Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
