is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
