South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
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Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
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I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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