his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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