whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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