you guys were way drunker than both of me
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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