did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
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