Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
