She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
