First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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