People with herpes should wear stickers.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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