so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
