All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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