i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We are two peas in an std pod
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
