Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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