I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
