My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
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If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Two words: nipple clamps
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