oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
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Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
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Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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