U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He shit in the fireplace
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
