I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
