the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
