We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
