we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We just shotgunned beers for America
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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