Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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