I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
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She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
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He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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