He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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