i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
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why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
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Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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