new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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