I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
