i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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