he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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