News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
