Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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