In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
