If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
