Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
