The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
