Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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