But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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