It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
