Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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