I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
