I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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