I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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