I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
