I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize