That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
