he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
