I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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