my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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