sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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