It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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