You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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