Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
