remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
