I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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