i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
