Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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