im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
