doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
