I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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