Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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