So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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