wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
