Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
