Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
