If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's shark week go big or go home
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
